Per Dr. James Lehman, children can act out in inappropriate ways when they don't know how to problem-solve. It is a mechanism by which they have learned to cope and they use it to make someone else solve the problem for them. Dr. Lehman's Total Transformation program aids us parents in giving our children the tools needed to solve their own problems. They will be take responsiblity and be more accountable then.
Here are three of these techniques that can give you a firm idea of how simplistic and realistic these tools are in turning things around and quickly.
1. Make direct statements. Make your statement firmly, clearly and then walk away from the situation. Do not fear appearing powerless. You have the responsibility of your child's actions on him and he knows that is powerful.
2. Disconnect. Stop communication with the child if they're being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you'll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we've started using and I can't believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.
3. Make the consequences task-oriented and time-limited. Use, as often as possible, consequences that are directly connected to the problem behavior, e.g. "you cannot use the phone until you finish your homework tonight". Remember your child cannot be punished into acceptable behavior. They should be short term, not a prison term.
Lastly, don't hold your breath! Their problem-solving skills will develop. However, change and gratitude don't come overnight. Later on, blame will be replaced with thanks, but it might be a while in coming.
P.S. The way your child talks or acts in response must not change the way you take care of the behavior. Consistent parenting will be the one underlying action that will make positive changes happen. So if you make a mistake, don't let it derail you. One sure thing here, you will get another chance to get it right!
Here are three of these techniques that can give you a firm idea of how simplistic and realistic these tools are in turning things around and quickly.
1. Make direct statements. Make your statement firmly, clearly and then walk away from the situation. Do not fear appearing powerless. You have the responsibility of your child's actions on him and he knows that is powerful.
2. Disconnect. Stop communication with the child if they're being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you'll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we've started using and I can't believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.
3. Make the consequences task-oriented and time-limited. Use, as often as possible, consequences that are directly connected to the problem behavior, e.g. "you cannot use the phone until you finish your homework tonight". Remember your child cannot be punished into acceptable behavior. They should be short term, not a prison term.
Lastly, don't hold your breath! Their problem-solving skills will develop. However, change and gratitude don't come overnight. Later on, blame will be replaced with thanks, but it might be a while in coming.
P.S. The way your child talks or acts in response must not change the way you take care of the behavior. Consistent parenting will be the one underlying action that will make positive changes happen. So if you make a mistake, don't let it derail you. One sure thing here, you will get another chance to get it right!
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Regain control of your house TODAY! Learn positive parenting skills that will work RIGHT NOW! The Total Transformation by James Lehman will increase your parenting skills in ways you never thought possible!
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