Arguably one of the most difficult things we will ever do in our lives is saving a relationship. These moments are highly charged with emotion and consequently we run the risks of saying and doing things that we will probably regret later. As such, we realize just how easily can we lose the person we love forever.
When we get involved with the emotions of a break-up, we tend to do things that make sense on an emotional level but turn out being way wrong on a tactical level. Just look at the stock market. While things are going down, people are selling when they should really be buying while prices are low (buy low, sell high, right?) This counterintuitive approach is difficult because our emotions overrule our logic. In the same way, we might feel that calling our ex and letting him or her know just how much we love them and miss them is the right thing to do. It makes sense on an emotional level. But in reality, we need to take a counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship.
I have written before about accepting the break up decision. It's one of the first steps in saving a relationship. You need to let your ex know that you understand the decision and appreciate him or her making that difficult decision. Let them know that you appreciate your freedom, and do this with as positive an attitude as possible. While doing this will be extremely difficult, it is an essential step.
The next counterintuitive step involves cutting off communication with your ex. This will involved a great deal of difficulty on your part, but it will have two great results. The first is that it will give your ex time to miss you and think about the break-up. In particular, why you were so agreeable to the break-up. As well, your ex will wonder why you were so positive about the whole thing. Without communication, your ex will be left with an image of you, a free, positive single. And since is likely how you first met, your ex will naturally bring up memories about those "good ole times."
The next great effect is that your ex will stop justifying to him or herself why the break-up happened since they will be too busy with this happy, positive image of you. This provides something of a distraction and time alone to ponder this positive, free image of you. It is an essential step to saving a relationship. With no way to communicate with you and a positive image in mind, your ex will wonder why they broke up in the first place.
These two counterintuitive steps provide a basic framework for saving a relationship. They are both difficult to implement however, and a great deal of trust must be placed in the strength of the relationship. A final statistic to keep in mind is that most people are averse to change; they are more inclined to stick around in a relationship that is mediocre than tackle the risk of finding someone new.
When we get involved with the emotions of a break-up, we tend to do things that make sense on an emotional level but turn out being way wrong on a tactical level. Just look at the stock market. While things are going down, people are selling when they should really be buying while prices are low (buy low, sell high, right?) This counterintuitive approach is difficult because our emotions overrule our logic. In the same way, we might feel that calling our ex and letting him or her know just how much we love them and miss them is the right thing to do. It makes sense on an emotional level. But in reality, we need to take a counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship.
I have written before about accepting the break up decision. It's one of the first steps in saving a relationship. You need to let your ex know that you understand the decision and appreciate him or her making that difficult decision. Let them know that you appreciate your freedom, and do this with as positive an attitude as possible. While doing this will be extremely difficult, it is an essential step.
The next counterintuitive step involves cutting off communication with your ex. This will involved a great deal of difficulty on your part, but it will have two great results. The first is that it will give your ex time to miss you and think about the break-up. In particular, why you were so agreeable to the break-up. As well, your ex will wonder why you were so positive about the whole thing. Without communication, your ex will be left with an image of you, a free, positive single. And since is likely how you first met, your ex will naturally bring up memories about those "good ole times."
The next great effect is that your ex will stop justifying to him or herself why the break-up happened since they will be too busy with this happy, positive image of you. This provides something of a distraction and time alone to ponder this positive, free image of you. It is an essential step to saving a relationship. With no way to communicate with you and a positive image in mind, your ex will wonder why they broke up in the first place.
These two counterintuitive steps provide a basic framework for saving a relationship. They are both difficult to implement however, and a great deal of trust must be placed in the strength of the relationship. A final statistic to keep in mind is that most people are averse to change; they are more inclined to stick around in a relationship that is mediocre than tackle the risk of finding someone new.
About the Author:
Sam Fulcher is the Relationship Advisor for The Match Maker Review. For tips on how to get your ex back, visit Help Get My Ex Back.
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