The holidays can be filled with some of the most beautiful moments for your family, but with that beauty is sure to come stress and headache, especially for new parents. Taking care of a new baby in your home is a monumental task by itself. Throw in the madness that always accompanies the holidays and you have the perfect recipe for anxiety and stress. Most Moms and Dads dream of a storybook Christmas for their families, but as new parents, the reality is that you're too tired to join in all your usual celebrations and activities. To help new parents survive the holidays while still enjoying the season, try the following strategies.
Let go of the images of the perfect holiday season. Everyone envisions a picture perfect Christmas season complete with the perfect tree, all the right presents for everyone on their list, guests that are filled to the brim with holiday baked goods, and other illusions that we are exposed to through television (or maybe even our own upbringing). Even without the added tasks of nursing, diapering, burping, changing, and trying to get in a few winks of sleep for yourself, the holidays can never compete with the images we've developed of this special time of year. It's not reality.
Learn to say no, and don't feel guilty about saying it. The holidays are notoriously synonymous with outings with friends and family. In a land called Perfect, you would still have the time and energy to do all of the things your family and close circle is accustomed to having you do or participate in, but chances are you are already overwhelmed with the rigors of adjusting to parenthood. You may have been going from just the two of you to a threesome, or you may have other children and the new baby is an adjustment to all of you. Either way, it's going to take time to make the adjustments and feel comfortable with your new family unit.
Baby knows best. Every baby has his or her own temperament. Is yours giving you the signal that it's time to go home to a quieter place, or that he or she wishes that you'd kick all of these loud eggnog slurping people to the curb? If so, follow your baby's lead by turning in early, leaving an event early, or by simply not going to the event.
Open the lines of communication with your partner. It's so important that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to your holiday celebrations (or lack of) during this special time when your family is getting adjusted to a new baby. Let your partner know how you feel, and take your partner's feelings into consideration. Try to incorporate a bit of what each of you want for this holiday so that each feels satisfied.
Determine your Musts, Shoulds, and Wants. Every new parents should make a list that helps them sort through the many possibilities that are swirling around amid the diaper pail and the partridge in the pear tree. Make a list that includes Musts (that you MUST do) that are inescapable tasks that have to be done, no matter what, whether through rain, slow, or dark of night; Shoulds (that you feel like you SHOULD do) but are really just derived from friends or family pressuring or demanding you to do something; and Wants (that you honestly WANT to do). Find a happy medium between trying to accomplish all of the wants, a small part or even none of the Shoulds, and as many of the Wants as you and your new family feel like doing.
Be flexible with decorating options. If your baby is at the crawling and exploring stage, it may be wisest to forgo a traditional tree and decorations that might harm baby, or that might become damaged. One Christmas I had to make some changes to my traditional holiday dcor. I ended up putting the tree inside my baby's playpen, instead of her. I put all of the gifts inside there, which looked so silly, but it was a workable solution. I wasn't willing to go without my beloved tree. I needed to keep her safe. This was a way to do it and I was really glad. We only needed to do that for one year.
Shop online when possible. Shopping is one of the biggest chores of the holiday season, and new parents often don't have the time to carry out their traditional shopping routines in crowded malls and stores. Online shopping can save the new parent tons of time and unneeded headaches.
Scale down your hosting duties. If you absolutely have to play host for a family gathering, ask each family member to bring a dish, and then simply buy a honey-baked ham or turkey from the deli to complement those dishes. Some new parents even choose to host just a desert bash instead of a full meal to keep some of the tradition of the family gathering without all of the work. Choose whatever works best for you and don't forget to ask for help with cleaning up.
Give yourself the best and least expensive present you can. Take a bubble bath, walk the dog, read a short story in a magazine. It's important for new parents to feel like they still have some of their "self" left after they give so much to care for their new baby or new family. You can better serve baby's needs if you are refreshed and relaxed.
Let go of the images of the perfect holiday season. Everyone envisions a picture perfect Christmas season complete with the perfect tree, all the right presents for everyone on their list, guests that are filled to the brim with holiday baked goods, and other illusions that we are exposed to through television (or maybe even our own upbringing). Even without the added tasks of nursing, diapering, burping, changing, and trying to get in a few winks of sleep for yourself, the holidays can never compete with the images we've developed of this special time of year. It's not reality.
Learn to say no, and don't feel guilty about saying it. The holidays are notoriously synonymous with outings with friends and family. In a land called Perfect, you would still have the time and energy to do all of the things your family and close circle is accustomed to having you do or participate in, but chances are you are already overwhelmed with the rigors of adjusting to parenthood. You may have been going from just the two of you to a threesome, or you may have other children and the new baby is an adjustment to all of you. Either way, it's going to take time to make the adjustments and feel comfortable with your new family unit.
Baby knows best. Every baby has his or her own temperament. Is yours giving you the signal that it's time to go home to a quieter place, or that he or she wishes that you'd kick all of these loud eggnog slurping people to the curb? If so, follow your baby's lead by turning in early, leaving an event early, or by simply not going to the event.
Open the lines of communication with your partner. It's so important that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to your holiday celebrations (or lack of) during this special time when your family is getting adjusted to a new baby. Let your partner know how you feel, and take your partner's feelings into consideration. Try to incorporate a bit of what each of you want for this holiday so that each feels satisfied.
Determine your Musts, Shoulds, and Wants. Every new parents should make a list that helps them sort through the many possibilities that are swirling around amid the diaper pail and the partridge in the pear tree. Make a list that includes Musts (that you MUST do) that are inescapable tasks that have to be done, no matter what, whether through rain, slow, or dark of night; Shoulds (that you feel like you SHOULD do) but are really just derived from friends or family pressuring or demanding you to do something; and Wants (that you honestly WANT to do). Find a happy medium between trying to accomplish all of the wants, a small part or even none of the Shoulds, and as many of the Wants as you and your new family feel like doing.
Be flexible with decorating options. If your baby is at the crawling and exploring stage, it may be wisest to forgo a traditional tree and decorations that might harm baby, or that might become damaged. One Christmas I had to make some changes to my traditional holiday dcor. I ended up putting the tree inside my baby's playpen, instead of her. I put all of the gifts inside there, which looked so silly, but it was a workable solution. I wasn't willing to go without my beloved tree. I needed to keep her safe. This was a way to do it and I was really glad. We only needed to do that for one year.
Shop online when possible. Shopping is one of the biggest chores of the holiday season, and new parents often don't have the time to carry out their traditional shopping routines in crowded malls and stores. Online shopping can save the new parent tons of time and unneeded headaches.
Scale down your hosting duties. If you absolutely have to play host for a family gathering, ask each family member to bring a dish, and then simply buy a honey-baked ham or turkey from the deli to complement those dishes. Some new parents even choose to host just a desert bash instead of a full meal to keep some of the tradition of the family gathering without all of the work. Choose whatever works best for you and don't forget to ask for help with cleaning up.
Give yourself the best and least expensive present you can. Take a bubble bath, walk the dog, read a short story in a magazine. It's important for new parents to feel like they still have some of their "self" left after they give so much to care for their new baby or new family. You can better serve baby's needs if you are refreshed and relaxed.
About the Author:
Overwhelmed new parent? Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. can help. As an internet talk radio host and mental health professional, she specializes in providing the support you need for the life-changing journey into motherhood. Sign up for free, weekly MP3 downloads and other resources for new moms and empower your life with information on postpartum survival strategies at the Mommy-Muse website and blog.
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