Friday, December 5, 2008

Why Wedding Etiquette Said the Father Paid?

By Rublinette G. Ortega

It costs a lot to get married in America. Brides, before you start buying from suppliers talk to your husband-to-be first and discuss the wedding budget. Please don't go bridezilla and make unreasonable demands for your wedding. First, determine who pays for your wedding and will cover the largest percentage of your wedding budget. This will serve as a realistic guideline for couples who would like to know the basic etiquette in who pays for what.

Wedding Etiquette on who pays for the weddings has evolved for the last century. Traditionally, wedding etiquette books dictate that the bride's father should pay for the wedding. This was during the time when girls were kept by their fathers inside their house, not allowed to work and go to school, but do household chose and must have lessons from lady manners to teach them social etiquette and wedding etiquette in preparation for their life as married women.

A century ago, a daughter was 'given away' by her father to a young man who her father thought would be able to provide for her. The thought was that since the father would be giving his daughter away, he would host her wedding and pay for everything as a sign of his agreement to his daughter's marriage. This is the reason for the traditional wedding etiquette on who pays for the wedding.

There is much more flexibility in wedding etiquette these days when it comes to who pays for the wedding. While the couple could decide to go traditional, most don't. If they do, they can ask the bride's father to pay. Sometimes the groom's parents express a desire to pay for a portion of the wedding and that is also appropriate.

But since most couples nowadays are both earning their own money, it is not a violation of wedding etiquette if the bride and the groom decide to pay for their own wedding. Some couples prefer to pay for the their own wedding so that they can have more control over the number of guests and who are the persons to invite and how the celebration of the wedding should be held. Wedding etiquette on who pays for the wedding is, most of the time, being set aside to grant the wishes of the couple and immediate family members.

Weddings are so expensive today that paying the entire bill is out of reach for the father of the bride, or the father of the groom or the bride and groom. If the bride and the groom are both working earning money, they usually consider paying for the whole expenses for their wedding.

Some parents, however, actually want to contribute to the cost of the wedding. Both brides and grooms should be aware of this and think of the feelings of their parents. Don't tell your parents no just because you think they may pay too much. Often, it is a great job for them to see you get married and they may even have money set aside for it.

One reasonable alternative is to sit down and discuss the wedding plans with your parents. Talk about the probable cost of your plans and see what they feel comfortable paying for. By doing this, the parents will know exactly how much they will have to pay and you will also know how much you need to provide.

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