At times, the direction for raising our children to be responsible, successful young adults is difficult to decipher. We have tried to set up parenting skills with this goal as the end in order to be more effective at getting this great end result. We find we are most successful parents when we remember to fall back on what we have decided instead of trying to reinvent the wheel with each new situation.
So how do we accomplish this daunting task? By teaching our kids two skills - problem-solving and accountability. If you've got a disrespectful, belligerent child, you've probably got a child with a problem he doesn't know how to solve. As a effective parent, we need to step them through the process of solving that problem, and being accountable for their actions.
1. Start problem solving at a young age. It is much easier to teach them the basics when they are younger, like what to do if there are no clean socks in their drawer, and add to their arsenal as the problems become larger. This is helpful because it is easier to tackle the harder problems as they get older if they are not viewed as larger than life. It is important that we parents do not solve their problems for them.
2. Life Trainer. In order to point them towards being successful, responsible adults, we must patiently and unemotionally as possible, point them towards the goal. Support and encouragement are vital tools as effective parents. Still remembering to let the outcome of this learning process to be owned by the child.
3. Teach by example. Remember - monkey see, monkey do. If they see you calmly approaching the problems that you encounter in your life, they will learn to do the same. Also use life situations to teach. Have them pay for their item at the store, or order and pay for their food at a fast food restaurant. These are little things to us, but not to kids. As they become comfortable with these small tasks, they'll be more able to handle the bigger ones as they grow older.
4. Provide strategic help and solutions. Only give them things they can handle. Offer supportive assistance along the way, don't criticize them, and most importantly of all, don't do it for them. As tempting as this may be, you need to let them succeed or fail on their own. We all know it's easier to load the dishwasher or make the kids bed than to try to get them to do it, but what does that teach them?
5. Encourage exploration and experimentation. As they get to be a teen, you need to let them try out their own ideas for problem-solving and encourage and praise their resourcefulness.
6. Recognize setbacks and failures as opportunities. Everyone experiences successes and failures. Kids can learn from both, probably more from the failures than from the successes. Also, keep the failures in perspective. Don't freak out when they make a mistake - use it as a teaching opportunity.
Parenting is a daunting task, especially when it comes to teenagers. Hopefully, these tips will help you to have the most effective parenting skills possible.
So how do we accomplish this daunting task? By teaching our kids two skills - problem-solving and accountability. If you've got a disrespectful, belligerent child, you've probably got a child with a problem he doesn't know how to solve. As a effective parent, we need to step them through the process of solving that problem, and being accountable for their actions.
1. Start problem solving at a young age. It is much easier to teach them the basics when they are younger, like what to do if there are no clean socks in their drawer, and add to their arsenal as the problems become larger. This is helpful because it is easier to tackle the harder problems as they get older if they are not viewed as larger than life. It is important that we parents do not solve their problems for them.
2. Life Trainer. In order to point them towards being successful, responsible adults, we must patiently and unemotionally as possible, point them towards the goal. Support and encouragement are vital tools as effective parents. Still remembering to let the outcome of this learning process to be owned by the child.
3. Teach by example. Remember - monkey see, monkey do. If they see you calmly approaching the problems that you encounter in your life, they will learn to do the same. Also use life situations to teach. Have them pay for their item at the store, or order and pay for their food at a fast food restaurant. These are little things to us, but not to kids. As they become comfortable with these small tasks, they'll be more able to handle the bigger ones as they grow older.
4. Provide strategic help and solutions. Only give them things they can handle. Offer supportive assistance along the way, don't criticize them, and most importantly of all, don't do it for them. As tempting as this may be, you need to let them succeed or fail on their own. We all know it's easier to load the dishwasher or make the kids bed than to try to get them to do it, but what does that teach them?
5. Encourage exploration and experimentation. As they get to be a teen, you need to let them try out their own ideas for problem-solving and encourage and praise their resourcefulness.
6. Recognize setbacks and failures as opportunities. Everyone experiences successes and failures. Kids can learn from both, probably more from the failures than from the successes. Also, keep the failures in perspective. Don't freak out when they make a mistake - use it as a teaching opportunity.
Parenting is a daunting task, especially when it comes to teenagers. Hopefully, these tips will help you to have the most effective parenting skills possible.
About the Author:
Stop your kid's out-of-control, defiant behavior TODAY! Take back control of your house today. Now you can learn how to parent difficult kids at Julie and Matt's parenting journey blog.
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